I just realized that it has been 20 days since my last blog. I do apologize, but in those 20 days the whole world is starting to change, and I thought that if I wrote it down, it would make it too real. I was hoping that it would change back.
Let me go back from my last post and start from there.
Larry did have his port put in, and did great with the procedure. His appetite continued to be a major issue. In the time since that last post, he has only eaten part of a boiled egg and about 6 bites of yogurt.
He was still drinking pretty well until last Tuesday morning, when he threw up twice. He had been drinking Carnation Instant Breakfast(which has pretty much the same nutritional value as Ensure, but with a better flavor and consistency.) a couple of times a day until last Tuesday when he threw it up. He said "no more of that". So we were left with coke or sprite as his drinks of choice.
When we went in for new chemo last week, I asked the doctor what this chemo would do for Larry. He said that is was for pain control only. Larry had not responded to the first line chemo(aka the big guns), Dr Shreeder said that there was little to no chance that the new chemo would be effective for anything more than pain. After the initial shock, I asked the doctor about Larry's prognosis, and he said "months". We then asked about Larry's other options, and the Dr. said that we could stop all treatment and just let hospice take over, but he wanted us to think about it. They gave him a bag of IV fluids and sent us back home with a follow-up appt for today, which we have since cancelled.
That Tuesday night, while I slept, Larry got up and pulled random stuff from his wallet, spilled about half of a Sprite in the middle of the bed and then lost the bottle itself. I had noticed a decline in his mental state for the weeks prior to this, but when he had no memory of any of it, I knew that the situation had changed. So last Wednesday morning, I called to set up Hospice. Larry and I both agreed that there was no point putting his body through more chemo for no real reason, and I realized that his mental state would not likely improve.
Since last Wednesday, he has been in a steady decline. Last Thursday evening, I knew it was time to tell our kids and families about the decision to stop treatment. Those were some really hard phone calls. Our oldest son, Phillip, had not seen Larry since the end of July, and was not prepared for that phone call. The other two kids, Courtney and Chad, live with us, so they had watched the decline. It was gut-wrenching to call his mom and brothers and sisters. After losing his nephew less than 3 months ago, it was so painful to tell them that Larry was not going to make any sort of recovery. Hospice started last Friday and the first thing I asked for was a hospital bed. I was so concerned that he would get out of our bed and somehow get himself hurt. The "intake team" came in and did an assessment, and then set up delivery of the bed and some oxygen. There is a special place in Heaven for the hospice staff, they made us feel so comforted and loved, even though they were complete strangers.
Since Friday, Larry has gone from sitting in a chair most of the day, to staying in his bed all day yesterday. He did have a rough day yesterday, the nurses came in and gave him a catheter and then another nurse came in and gave him a bath. So he was really worn out, and was pretty much out of it the rest of the day. Since last Friday he was up to 2 Lortab at time, every 4-6 hours, even with the pain patch. Yesterday the nurse changed him to morphine, because he was getting too much Tylenol with the heavy dosing of Lortab. They also told me to put on a second pain patch. The number one priority with Hospice is the comfort of the patient, and to that end, that make sure that pain is controlled.
The one truth about lung cancer is that it doesn't discriminate and that no one ever beats it. Larry was diagnosed so late that he didn't really have a chance. I was thinking the other day, that if there was a survivor's walk for lung cancer, no one would be there. Lung cancer kills more people, per year, than breast cancer, colon cancer and pancreatic cancer combined. I only wish there was more awareness about the disease. And I wish with all my heart and soul that I didn't have to know all of those statistics.
Please read Courtney's latest post on her blog "The Hoopla". You can find a link at the top of my blog page. It is a very moving post.
Thank you again for all of the love and support.
Please keep Larry in your prayers.
